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How can I solve the problem of bickering too much?

How can I solve the problem of bickering too much?

Bickering means to argue about petty and trivial matters – so I assume that asking the questions of how to solve the problem of bickering means that the questioner realizes that it is not helpful, and wants to stop doing it.

Never really satisfied

Presumably, this is a frequent or almost continuous situation, where you go through each day, moaning about this, complaining about that, showing your disapproval about something else, criticizing here and there and finding that you are never really satisfied with anything.

Sadly, this is not something that a child of God should be guilty of because it is a symptom of something much deeper – whether we like it or not, when we find ourselves with this kind of attitude it is because we want to control everything, and nothing really comes up to our standard and so we have to make a comment about it.

Made in the image of God

When God created the world, specifically mankind, he made us in the image of God, but God is the only One Who has the right to make the rules and laws to live by and to be in control, so when we find ourselves bickering, complaining, arguing and criticizing over trivial matters it is because we are trying to control everyone or everything around us.

Some steps to solve the problem

Here are some steps to solve the problem of actually doing this:

  1. Acknowledge that you are not God, and confess to Him that you realize that you have been displeasing Him in assuming control of things around you, and asking Him to forgive whenever you have done so.

This solves the problem of bickering in the past, now you need to allow God to renew and retrain your mind in order to stop:

  1. Think of situations which arise frequently where you realize that you bicker a lot – write them down – 1,2,3,……
    1. Think about each one in turn and ask yourself why is it so important to you. What do you want to change? Sometimes we find ourselves lashing out at our spouse, children, siblings or others close to us – they don’t clean up after themselves, they have habits that annoy us…
    2. Recognize that you cannot change someone, they are the only ones that can change themselves so if they are the cause of your bickering. Think about what it is that is annoying you, and how you think things could improve. If your children just leave messes all over the house, and never clear up after themselves. If they are old enough to reason, sit down with them, share with them your frustrations and how you feel, and tell them that this is probably causing a lot of frustration in the family home. If they are still young you need to train them in clearing up after themselves before they start something else with a merit/de-merit, punishment/reward system.
    3. Pray about the situations together. Give people around you permission to challenge you if you go back to your old bickering ways.
    4. Allow God’s Holy Spirit to lead you through the day and help you check your thoughts and words before they actually come out. Submit to Him and allow Him to make the changes in you and in those around you.

How does this Bible teaching speak to you? Please share your thoughts below!

Also read How should I reconcile with a brother or sister in Christ?

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Eunice Burden

Eunice Burden

Eunice comes from UK and has been in Thailand 25 years. She and a Thai co-worker wrote a 4 year curriculum for all age Sunday Schools and they also did Sunday school teacher training seminars. She went back to UK for 8 years. Whilst in UK she did various courses including a theology degree and came back to Thailand with OMF in 1999. For most of her time since then she has been involved teaching lay leaders of the Thai, supporting and advising, speaking and teaching in various churches. Gradually over the years she has been invited to join various facilitator teams of the OMF.

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How can I solve the problem of bickering too much?