When can you start courtship?

When can you start courtship?

You need to know first of all why you want to begin a courtship. I hope it is not because you want to escape from home, or you are anxious because everybody else has a partner and you don’t, or you feel lonely and have the need for love. What, then, is the objective of courtship? It is to prepare for a possible God-honoring life-long partnership in marriage. If you are doing it to kill boredom or cure your loneliness or to make sure you are not unattached, then you are not mature enough to start courtship. But if you believe that you are entering courtship for the right reason, here are some points to note:

Don’t think of it too lightly

Courtship should not be entered into lightly or when both parties are unsure of the will of God. Your part is to walk close to Him and continue to pray and commit the relationship to Him. He will direct you both circumstantially and through your heart. If you are sure about the relationship and the other party is not, then pray. Have patience, this is a test of your faith and also increases your experience in discerning the will of God. But if the other party continues to be unresponsive, it could be God’s way of closing the door.

You need time

You need time to get to know the best and the worst of each other and to be sure that you can serve the Lord together, and love and shape one another in the long years ahead. Do not ignore circumstantial guidance of God (e.g. parental objection, financial readiness, etc.). It could be that God is closing the door for you if the problems faced are not solved although you prayed earnestly.

Be open to counsel

Both must be willing to listen to counsel, particularly of that from parents, especially if they are believers. Sometimes those in the relationship cannot see what goes wrong and only those outside can see better.


Courtship is a time to discern if the other party is ready for the role they are to play as husband/wife. If these roles are not played before marriage, don’t hope that they will be in marriage. It is also unfair to go into a relationship and expect the other party to change after marriage.

Read also What is a Christian marriage?

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Biblword is a ministry of GlobalRize. Marten Visser is the founding director of GlobalRize. Marten is a pastor from The Netherlands with long years of experience as a missionary in Thailand. We now have around 550 people from all over the world involved in GlobalRize’s ministry. Besides the English page, Biblword also exists in 25 other languages on Facebook.

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