Pursuing a Man

The man in the house, husband and father, is called to give loving leadership to his family. If you want a good husband who takes responsibility, start in the right way: let him pursue you, do not pursue him. If you do, you take away from him one of the things that makes him manly: winning a woman. And even more important: you will not be sure that he sees how special you are, and that he is willing to give up all other girls in the world to be with you. Of course, you may let him know of your interest in subtle ways. Rejection is a scary thing, and guys have to be brave to let you know of their interest. So it is okay to nudge him along, but let him take the lead. It will make him feel a man, and it will make you feel a woman. This is basic ‘good sense’ advice, but also in line with how the Bible talks about relationships.

The Bible teaches us is that in marriage the husband is the head of the wife. Therefore, in a relationship that seeks to lead to marriage this principle should also be modelled in some way. It is clear in Scripture that in marriage a man has a position of headship over his wife (this is not to say that women are in any way inferior to man – they are not, both man and women were created equally in the image of God, Genesis 1:26-27; but they do have different God given roles). For example see 1 Corinthians 11:3: “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”

Similarly, in Ephesians 5:23 Paul says: “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Saviour.” Paul then spells out the implications of this in verses 22 and 24: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord… Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Marriage is actually a picture of the relationship of Christ and his church (Epheisans 5: 31-32).

This is the Biblical pattern for marriage. Now, Scripture doesn’t specifically address the question of a “dating” or “courting” relationship and how such a relationship should start. However, if the purpose of that relationship is to determine whether marriage would be suitable for that couple, then the Biblical pattern of headship and submission, in some way, should be modelled in the “dating” relationship. Of course, the couple are not yet married, and therefore how the relationship of headship and submission will look, will be different from in marriage.

Therefore, it is right for a man to pursue a girl (as this models headship), rather than the other way round, in which the girl is attempting to lead the man. Therefore, when Proverbs 18:22 says: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the LORD”, it is reflecting the Biblical picture of male headship, which we have seen.

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